God, light my eyes to see
your secrets hidden within the words of the book
you so lovingly placed in my hands.
a gift you have given,
and your gift i have recieved;
please enlighten my heart to understand this great thing that has happened.
.....
you: faithfully opening the eyes of the blind who are in love.
me: dancing freely and trusting you to keep me from harm.
i cant see my own feet,
but i feel your arms sheilding me.
i havent fallen on asfault;
ive floatd in the dangerzones,
past the warning signs.
no one pulls me aside:
they must sense purpose in my seemingly aimless display of affection.
.....
i wish i could actually dance with these confused feet
upon the ground where all have traud;
a blessing in the dust
as it swirls around in celebration.
i wish to give you that:
the humble gift of a servant girl.
.....
as foreigners we offer a home to the lost.
the accepting remain unaccepted;
the loving remain unloved
because we offer a hope that sets to light the darkness:
they would rather be powerful for a moment
than loved for eternity.
.....
you can tied my wrists to the table
palms up
and send pain down my arms
into my body;
you can take me from myself
diget by diget;
you can have my emotions on a tight rope,
weaving back and forth between day and night;
you can stretch my mind
across a century of infinite time;
but my soul is his,
and so my mind is his,
and my heart is his,
and my body is his.
i do not fear you.
you can harm my body,
but not my soul.
if i live, i live.
if i die, i live.
my grave has been put beneath me
if he allows you to touch my nerve endings and gray matter,
the scars of your finger prints will fade from my timeline
when eternity meets me on the other side of the threshhold
when i leave this orphanage to meet my father.
.....

k.g.

copyright 2015

wake up! wake up!
the baby is in the well!
i forget that i fell
down near the river.
you make me shiver.
the wind whisperes too many things;
i cant rememeber when the bell rings.
i failed the test on my way back home;
now i'll forever be alone.
shake me till i fall asleep.
i fell so deep.
im so wrong in the head.
can we go home instead?
shut up! shut up!
where did you go?
i told you i dont know!
i cant remember my name.
i know this is all a game.
it shines too brightly.
i cry for you nightly.
i wont tell you im afraid.
i wish you had stayed.
wake up! wake up!
its not enough.

k.g.

copyright 2015

put it to rest;
all of the things that float around my head
threatening to devour my conciousness.
put me to sleep and give me peace;
devour my dreams instead.

k.g.

copyright 2015

one day we shall all see your face
and bask in the glory of your grace,
but till then we sing praises
thru the seasons and fazes.

for dark our eyes had been
when you came down and took our sins
from our shoulders
and places them upon your back.

what is this thing that we lack;
causing us to lie destitue
at your feet?
shed mercy upon us.

in despair ive raised my eyes;
my god, i felt forsaken
before i trembled beneath the weight
of your gift of revalation.

i sleep in peace because you guard my head
from the death that tries to crawl into my bed,
and i rise again to see the light
because you take hold of and shackle the night.

you let the tears stream down my face
when i was in a dying place,
but lord, you held my head up high
when i embraced the desire to die,

but i did not see your hand in the matter.

k.g.

copyright 2015

tear out the ribbons wrapped around my soul;
make me whole.
im tired of being broken down,
tired, and worn out.
when do i get this new body
that is stronger than the first?
i cant hear you,
i cant see you,
i cant feel you.
i miss you.
when i cant feel you here
i feel like the real me died
and i am nothing but my shell of charaters.
they play me till i drop
trying to express the sorrow in my heart.
i need you in a desperate way.
like a lily needs rain,
but drowns in its drops.
and this is us:
you give me all i need,
and i try to give back what i can,
but i have next to nothing.
and only until i feel abandoned do i love you...
the shame of it weight upon me when i am humbled.
lord, teach my heart to be content
and love you when im told im unloved.
teach my ears not to believe the lies
i used to hold in my heart;
that i still cling to when the lights go out
and i am alone again.
be the stars to my night
so i can gaze upon your beauty when silence falls.
break me of my anxieties
so that i can shake hands with fear
and tremble in your presence instead.
let love light up my life
and tear the veils away from my eyes.
still i will lift my hands when i cant see
and let the rain role down my arms
and mingle with the tears on my face,
because you are faithful in the dark times.

k.g.

copyright 2015

there are moments when the infinite nature of the universe
overpowers me, and i am left with fragments of thought.
to think that the words of the divine being dispersed
the stars into the night sky, far surpasses anything
that i was taught. imagination only goes so far before
you realize you cannot see anything from where you are.

k.g.

copyright 2015

why do we find ourselves falling asleep
when we are meant to be waking up?
shine your light so bright
it opens up my eyes
to see your glory moving
thru the room.
why have i limited what i cannot see
are there rules that confine mysteries?
shake the earth beneath my feet
so that i must stand upon the rock to keep from falling.
ive tied this rope around my wrists;
take it from me and guide me in the way i should go
because i dont know the way.
these eyes are blinded be years of slumber,
my finger stiff from lack of use,
and my mind is tired.
i have filled it with the debris that was given me
when i ask for truth.
my heart is shreded
from something i thought was love.
i have so little to give.

k.g.

copyright 2015

Maybe i ask too much

will you not come find me?

im alone here in a dark place

and the black is surrounding me.

i can fight an enemy,

but how to i defeat smoke?

what weapons do i have 

that can compete with air?

am i helpless against this mess

of confusion i feel around me?

have i lost my mind somewhere in my wonders

so that now i have lost control

of my train of thought?

has a curse been placed upon me

that i must think i fragments of sentences

and not complete my ponderings,

but leave them hanging 

from the cieling of my mind

like broken chandeliers?

what must one do to achieve clarity

in this world of darknss?

how bright must my light be 

to see the ground in front of me?

where will i go when the dust settles;

when the stars cease their shining for the night?

i often find myself in these midnight hours

between myself and strife.

happiness has become my soul

and yet i feel broken

not whole.

what must i do that fills my heart

so that i might not feel like

separate pieces

all fitted together.

i feel lighter than a feather

but heavier than led.

the moonlight is cold and i want to crawl

into bed,

but i feel that i must fight tonight

for the sake of preserving 

tomorrows daylight.

but who am i too think im special;

knowing more than my share?

who am i to keep on going;

to assume someone will be there

to catch me when i fall

when i dont deserve it at all?

who am i to be given faith

when the faithful suffer more?

and who am i to be given love

when ive locked so many doors

after slamming them in so many faces?

but maybe even the least of these

is given a glimpse of the forthoughts

of our father.

maybe even the smallest child 

is lifted onto his shouders

and shown a sliver of the world

for what it really is.

maybe im privaleged enought to be the smallest.

k.g.

copyright

You're far away.
I started running before I chose
To look back.
But now a year has passed and we have gone
So far
From where we began that winter night
When I looked into your eyes and saw a light.

Put joy into my hollowed bones,
And here I will make for myself a home.
I'll say I love you even in my sleep,
And I'll smile even when I weep.

Put music into my empty lungs,
And I will go back to when we had just begun.
I will sing to you once again
Only this time of beginnings without ends.

You walked away.
You never saw the light I held
Within my heart.
You were blinded by all the times I fell
Apart.
When darkness fell, I fell too hard;
Shattered into pieces to discard.

Put joy into my hollowed bones,

And here I will make for myself a home.

I'll say I love you even in my sleep,

And I'll smile even when I weep.

Put music into my empty lungs,

And I will go back to when we had just begun.

I will sing to you once again

Only this time of beginnings without ends.

There are days
I wish that you could see me
Dance,
Cuz it took time but I learned
Balance.
What was once under lock and key
I set free.

Now it's time
To move on to a place
I can call mine.
And all the pain, I'll turn it into
Rhyme.
I no longer wish that I could just rewind,
Because I've chosen to leave it all behind.

Put joy into my hollowed bones,

And here I will make for myself a home.

I'll say I love you even in my sleep,

And I'll smile even when I weep.

Put music into my empty lungs,

And I will go back to when we had just begun.

I will sing to you once again

Only this time of beginnings without ends.

Honey, we don't have to pretend

That our beginning will never end.

k.g.

Copyright 2015

Will I never get to touch you,

Or say I love you?

Will I never sleep next to you;
Cry with you?

September has come and gone.

He was not the one.

Oh, how I've longed to see your face

Smiling down at mine!

My heart has been so confined

Not being able to touch you.

It's a mystery to me

How the heart can miss

He who it has not seen.

Meet me under starlight

And I will be your midnight.

k.g.

Copyright 2015

She shot me in the heart with a gatling gun
Till it was all over the floor and I was done
Bleeding. My heart ripped to shreds in my body
Kept beating. It would not stop till the rest were too
Conceded to know they were dying
From their own gun shot wounds.
They didn't see my revolver.

k.g.

Copyright 2015

Break me!
Break me till there's nothing left to break!

I left him by the river side.

Those who drown don't come back.

I want to be so broken

I can never break again!

I don't want to break again,

And again,

And again...

Again and again...

Round and round goes the carousel

Turning relentlessly in circles.

Do you remember the night I said

I'd never say goodbye?

Goodbye, old love!

New has not yet been met.

He left me by the riverside.

He did not come back for me

He did not come back...

Silly girl.

Only children sing.

k.g.

Copyright 2015

How do I love
When love is lost
Amid the valleys I left behind?
I stand upon the mountain I climbed;
I am alone.
There's nothing's at the top,
But neither was there anything bellow.
Was I born into an empty realm
Where we sing for the pennies of the tone deaf?
Do not tell me how to sing my song
Unless you are willing to compose its music.
I have fallen here in the rubble of my thoughts;
My feelings are a pit of vipers.
Your words are hyenas surrounding me;
Laughing at me.
Devour me, oh song of the dying!
I've lost myself in your grasp.
My lungs are a machine.
They've conspired with my heart against me.
They plan to keep me alive.
Someone help me.
Please?

k.g.

Copyright 2015

Breathe on my bones

And make me come to life.

I want to feel the fire in my eyes.

Do hear the wind whispering to us?

Yes, it speaks of forboding things.

It's been a long time

Since I felt love 

Hide me in his arms.

You left so quickly

The goodbye got stuck in my throat.

I'm still choking on it.

It's a frightful thing to love,

But it is far worse to lose it.

k.g 

Copyright 2015

When the rain pours

Well

It pours

And there's nothing you can do about it

You get soaked to the bone

And you get really cold

One of two things will happen

Either you will stay where you are and continue to be wet and cold

Or you will move and eventually you will fin warmth again

So start moving

And never stop

You'll be alright

k.g.

Copyright 2015

Flow out of my soul
Through my finger tips
Into the world
I wish I was another girl
When sadness threatens
To rip me open
Why must things be this way
The ache in my heart is too great
I want to love but i am afraid
Of the fangs
And the claws
And the tears
And the pain
And the words
You don't know what you're saying
But it hurts
And I love you
But it hurts to love you
It hurts to love

k.g.

Copyright 2015

Love Yourself

After finding a light
That wasn't really there

I looked within myself
For someone to care

I have found happiness
In the midst of my despair

k.g.

Copyright 2015

You met me in the dark days of your life
Sprinkling a little hope amidst the strife
I had waited all these lonely years
To finally find you here

We postponed dancing in the dark
Until we found a place underneath the stars
No sense in rushing when the time will come
No sense in ruining what had just begun

And they'll say our love is just physical
But that's not right cuz we're too emotional
We haven't lived long but we've lived enough
To know what it really means to love

When I fall I fall way too fast
But I believe that this will last
You can call me a hopeful daydreamer
But I'd like to think over time I've gotten keener

Cuz I've seen so many come and go
As if our love was a mattinee show
And something about this feels different
When you say the words I know you really mean it

And they'll say our love is just physical

But that's not right cuz we're too emotional

We haven't lived long but we've lived enough

To know what it really means to love

Well as you know I have fallen down

And shattered into pieces in the ground

You started picking me up without a word

And I will do the same for you in turn

Cuz when all you have is torn apart

A broken mind and a bleeding heart

All you can give is what you really need

We both offer what we need to recieve

And they'll say our love is just physical

But that's not right cuz we're too emotional

We haven't lived long but we've lived enough

To know what it really means to love

k.g.

Copyright 2015

The Song I Said I'd Write

Take me back to a time
Before I began
When I was just a speck of sand
Hidden from the sun

Reshape me into what
I could've been
If I were perfect
If I were worth it

Touch the lines in my hands
And tell me you don't understand
What I'm feeling

Destiny graced my finger tips
And I'm not going to waste it
Hiding from the sun

Take me back to a place
Before I knew your name
When I knew nothing of your games
Hidden from the sun

You remade me into this
Vessel of emptiness
You're ice cold grip
I wish I never knew

Touch the lines in my hands

And tell me you don't understand

What I'm feeling

I've got scars that mark a time

When I thought you were mine

Now I have come undone

I never thought a day would come
When I'd stop hiding from the sun
Touch my lips
And tell me I'm the one

You touch the lines in my hands

And tell me that you understand

What I'm feeling

Broken hearts and broken minds 

Completely intertwined

Hiding from the sun

k.g

Copyright 2015

In evenings blue
I think of you

It starts with a heartbeat
That provides me with a drum
Beginning the rhythm
Of your song

Then the breath in my lungs
Keeping time
Gives me air
To speak every rhyme

I wrote this for you

Every word
That tumbles off the tip of my tongue
Is just another way
I've found to say I love you

Don't look back on where you've been
Look at me

As the dance begins I start to spin
I feel alone without you
Your arms around my waste
Keeping me from falling

I know what you do in the dark
I know what you think when no one is looking
I've seen the sadness in your eyes

Those who mock the souls that need each other are dead
They are jealous that we might have found the answer
That we hold on to each other
While they grasp at oblivion

"....Great is Thy faithfulness,
Oh God our Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee..."

Touch me and make me whole
I don't ask questions when I'm with you

I think of you
In evenings blue

k.g.

Copyright 2015

It's a dangerous game we play
Dancing our way to daylight
Losing ourselves in the darkness

You can't find a place to hide
When you're holding each other's souls
In your bare hands

Emotions rage
And eyes change color
Our voices nothing but a whisper

We fly into the night
Fleeing from the dawn
Like angels falling from the sky

I want to die and your arms
And you can sleep in mine
Perfectly free from time

Similar hearts
Not drawn to the sun
Meant for another world

Meant for each other

k.g.

Copyright 2015

Rivers run deep
With thoughts I once chose to keep
Secret.
I knew you couldn't keep it
Hidden for long.
It was once only a song
I chose to sing,
But it became a lie that would continually ring
In my ears.
I wasted so many years
Trying to be good enough
For you,
But I don't want to anymore.
I've shut the door,
But I have not locked it.
You can come to me anytime,
But I will no longer run home to you.
I found the little girl I left by the rivers.
She almost drowned,
But I chose to save her.
I'm taking her back from you now,
For you did not keep her safe from the monsters.
But that's okay.
You didn't even know they were there.

k.g.

Copyright 2015

When you see me,
I lurk in dark corners
And stumble down alleyways
Leaving nail marks on doors
That I was not meant to open.

When I see you,
I see a smiling mask
Hiding a screaming expression
Frozen in a time that
You think doesn't belong to you.

k.g.

Copyright 2015

Starlit avenues have not led me
To the places I want to go.
My dreams were born in shadowed spaces
And they are what I know.

Magic isn't always pretty
And beauty isn't always bright.
Many of you watch for the morning,
But I can only breathe at night.

k.g.

Copyright 2015

Our dreams are vivid but they are short
Consisting of only the few brisk moments between
Our birth and our death:
The book ends time has provided for us
That encase the series of breaths and heartbeats
We refer to as "life".
Visions of bright futures dance before our minds eye
Because though we are born into a world of color
We only dream in black and white,
Always telling ourselves there's something better
Right around the corner.
Little do we know of the lie we've been told
For we chose to forget the way it weighed upon our hearts
That we could not in fact change the world.
We call ourselves warriors because we have survived thus far.
But we fight for nothing.
While the blood of our enemies still courses through their veins
The blood of our children is pour into our hands.
Look at what we've left for them!
We are not warriors but middlemen
For the slave traders that lied to us:
"Give us you're children and we'll give you the future!"
Now the future is bleak and our children are dying;
Becoming nothing but bodies that do others bidding.
Artists are no longer born on this earth,
We have taught them to be of one mind:
Always accepting, always believing,
Never thinking, never loving.
Someday the mind will rise against those
Who dare to explore the conscious state for themselves.
Then all will be lost,
And the warriors shall become unmarked graves.
For those who fight for nothing die for nothing,
And those who die for nothing cease to exist in the minds of mortals.

k.g.

Copyright 2015

I want to know what it's like
To be the blood in your veins
To be the breath in your lungs
And the words upon your tongue
And the beating of your heart
I want to know what it's like
To give you life
To give you love
To give you a reason to wake up in the morning
And to crawl back in bed at night
I want to know your tears
And your smile
And your kiss
I want to know the feel the touch of your hands
I want you know what it's like
To be your laughter
Your peace
Your love
Your life

k.g.

Copyright 2015

the forks in the road
wont lead me home
a place ive never known
i wander cold and alone
down the wrong path
i have found myself at last

do you hear them whisper
they speak the unspeakable things
under the shining of pretty lights
and neon signs

whats it like to feel alive
ive seen them jump from high places
but they dont see their own hands
bloody red

the hands of the heartless
wont lead me home
a place ive never know
i wander broken boned
down the wrong path
i have found myself at last

roses wither in the winter
butterflys die in spring
my face melts in the summer
desert rain drowns me out

but my demise is so beautiful
the decomposition of what could have been
i wonder what its like
to be made whole again

k.g.

copyright 2015

The story begins:
I never thought I'd lose him.
The feelings do not leave,
They only change.
Sometimes they grow,
Sometimes they mutate
Into monsters that hide under my bed.
They talk to me at night,
And tell me lies.
Leave me alone, please.
I wish they would go away.
I can't concentrate on what is real.
Everything feels like a dream.
I don't like this bedtime story.
I want this to end.
I want to be young again.
Take me back to a time 
Before I knew your name.

k.g.

Copyright 2015

Where have I found this
Shaken peace? Within myself,
Or within another? Can you imagine
Me living without him? I've tried
Running away from home
So many times I lost count.
Will you find me? Even if I run away
Into the dark? It's a start
To finding who I am. Who am I?
I fell amidst the rubble of my childhood,
And I haven't been myself since.
It's as if I broke both my feet,
But I'm still trying to dance. Find me
Mangle and twisted,
Dancing underneath the stars
In the dark
Where no one can see my broken form.
Come, let's go get lost in the dark
Where he can't find us. You broke our hearts
When we called to you. Now we will call
To each other.

k.g.

Copyright 2015

the words dance upon my tongue

but i cannot find the breath in my lungs

to ignite my voice

to verbalize the song my heart has sung

night and day

he walks into the room

with him bringing a light i have not seen

a different light

a stronger light

a light that was his own

and it shone upon me 

exposing my darkness

and now i dont want to leave

i have never claimed to be wise

ive never pretended to be strong

but this is my life

this is what i choose

k.g.

copyright 2015

how can you think about someone all day
but not tell them you care
talk to you
but not tell you whats on my mind
be with you
but not touch you

k.g.

copyright 2015

the words written upon my heart
i cannot read
i do not know what they say
but i feel them burning
a purpose
a meaning
hidden behind closed doors
where only i can see
my memory is like the fading sun
but still remember where i once begun
while im fading into yesterdays
i lose myself in visions
of better possibilities
the words you said 
are still shards of glass in my chest
and the emptiness in my bones
still holds a place
for the words i needed to hear
a little girl is trapped inside my body
small hands that had never touched perversity
young eyes that had never seen desolation
tiny feet that used to walk on water
i was never good enough for you
so i will be good enough for someone else
she does everything i do
she feels everything i feel
like the foreign hands searching for comfort

i am your daydream

you are my nightmare

they are never satisfyed

i am your heaven 
you are my hell
how did i come to this place
i never wanted this
the protection i never had
laughs at me from outside my cage
the love i never received
watches me cringe in the arms of a stranger

k.g.

copyright 2015

i dont want to fall in love again

it hurt so much the time before

i dont want to fall in love again

i dont want to hurt even more

i dont want to find myself again

in a crumpled heap on the floor

i dont want to find myself again

being unwound at my core

i dont want to be afraid again

to be terrified to be alone

i dont want to be afraid again

i want to sleep

take me to a place i can call home

and break down these walls

so many hands have built for me

i never wanted this

and now im afraid to trust

im afraid to let go 

afraid to fall in love

im becoming a ghost

im not who i was before

im trying desparately to be

all that i wanted to remain

all that was stripped away

if you are not afraid to love these bare bones

all that i have left to give

if you can endure darker nights

then you can have this skeleton 

somewhere underneath my rib cage is my heart

its messed up and fragile

but if you can find it

then you can have it

im not much

just a few crushed bones and a bleeding heart

but if you can find me

if you can love me

you can have me

k.g.

copyright 2015

you dont know a thing

i dance when you arent looking

ill find the joy in the pain you give me

and ill smile at you when you doubt me

the lions are coming

to devour the wolves in sheeps clothing

and i will be a mere lamb

protected by the bruses you placed upon me

k.g.

copyright 2015

take me out to sea
leave me where the shore wont find me
you dont want to see me anymore
you carried me home and then showed me the door

well theres a fine line
between making up and saving time
and you changed your mind
dont look me up theres no one to find

i am the ghost that haunts these years
you secretly wanted to leave me here
your silent suffering has been heard
ill leave you in peace without a word

ill just be a sillouet in your heart
that you glimspe with regret when you fall apart
the comfort you wouldve found in my arms
mocks you in your world of screaming alarms

pain changes the wildest soul
taming the body i want to lose control
and wake up in a place ive never been before
i want to be wanted nothing more

k.g.

copyright 2015

empathy

why are you trying
to tear your way out of my chest
im exausted at best
why cant you just die inside me
and never come out
my rib cage is about to burst
youve clawed holes in my lungs
i cant get oxygen in my blood
because its started filling up my lungs
i wish you just whispered to me in the dark
instead of crawling inside me 
i feel your claws scratching at my bones
just tear me apart already
get it over with
rip open my body
shred my soul
what are you waiting for
why are you taunting me
shhhh
they might hear you
no one will understand
keep quiet
dont say a word
dont make a sound
i want to lie in the cold ground
where i cant hear the sounds they make
when they scream and beat upon the walls
the built around themsleves
you think i dont see you
but i hear you
i feel you everyday
when you tear at your insides
i feel the monster in me too
when you scream out in agony
i feel the cry rise in my throat
little bird you say
little bird you know nothing
youve felt nothing
youve seen nothing
no my dear
i see what youve seen
i feel what youve felt
i know what youve known
because youve known it
youve felt it
youve seen it
and ive touched you
your demons are my demons
you lights are my lights
your feelings shall be my feelings
and your thoughts
my thoughts
little bird what do you see
im blinded by agony

k.g.

copyright 2015

its the hardest part
when you turn to embrace the light
and find its actually darkness
i stumble across the rubble
of the city i once built
with my bare hands
i was once so safe here
in what is now
a baren land
but now smoke billows in the sky
as the fires of the liers die
having devoured the walls that once
protected me
my guard is down
literally
torn down
raised to the ground
where do i go now
where do i run to
where is my safety

k.g.

copyright 2015

sink me down into the ground
i dont want to be found
not like this
with the pain radiating
from chest
at my weakest
love is not giving others your pain
it is giving them your strength
and i have none to give
its funny how we need people
when we are most likely to hurt them
its cruel
my heart twists
my lungs heave
and im still here
i chose to believe in people
because not all of them can be evil
the world could be much worse
yet how easily we lie
decieve
betray
what levels must one sink to
before they lose compassion
take away this darkness that covers me
i want to see the light of day
can a broken heart provide the love another needs
what hope is there for healing
if i refuse to share my pain
but how can i share my pain
if i choose to love

k.g.

copyright 2015

little one
your mother loves you
she misses your little body
and the tiny beating of your heart
little one
you are my love
i wish you hadnt left
so soon
tears are shed for you little one
for you and your sister and brother
we miss you tiny one
at night my tears fall for lack of you
come back
come back to me
peace be in your heart
its okay to fall apart
when your love is torn to shreds
dont listen to the words spoken in fear
they want you to be okay
they want you to be just fine
but you dont have to be
you wont be
not yet
the hand around my throat 
threatens to choke me
if i dont shed these tears
im sorry
but i dont want to die inside
release the pain you hold so tight
stop hiding the tears you cry at night
let them see who you are
let us see you
let us love you
let us protect you while you grieve
i am breaking
im finally breaking

k.g.

copyright 2015

shine
shine little light of mine
into the black of night
and show the world what it really means
to endure
be sure
that i will navigate
through the labyrinth of smog
youve set before me
to try in dissuade me
im not afraid
or at least i will choose not to be fears bitch
this is my life
not the life of fear
this is my body
not the body of pain
this is my heart
not the heart of hate
try to break me
you might kill me
but this light will never go out
i will never become you
i refuse to bow down
i refuse to bend low
i will stand
even when im beatten down
when im bloodied
even when death holds my broken form
i will stand

k.g.

copyright 2015

ive stumbled and ive fallen here
and ive learned to face the light
i thought all was alright
until i tried to reach out
and my arm bent in the wrong direction
my body was broken
broken bones
healing in the wrong directions
my emotions are tied in knots
i dont respond the way i should
i was told id walk with a limp
but i didnt know this
this is what they meant
but it doesnt surprise me
even in a perfect body
the heart twists itself
over
and over
just to keep the bodys own blood moving
it would make sense
that inorder to keep the soul moving
the body would twist itself

k.g.

copyright 2015

dance with me a little while
until we find a smile
hiding under the mask over your face
this is a disgrace
why do you keep
your beauty confined
in the recesses of you mind
safe you say
you keep it safe
dont you know
what never sees the light of day
dies and becomes as the dark
you are too young to hold an entire night within you
let it show
your old soul is strong enough
to fend of the hunters
run into the woods
and hide among the leaves
if you have to
but please dont become like the night
offering nothing but the chill of moonlight

k.g.

copyright 2015

flow river flow
with the wishes and the woes
we never spoke
out loud

i bet youve never seen a grown man cry

he tickles little toes
with ribbons and bows
to hear the laughter he never had
as a child

i bet you heard me when i screamed
from the top of my lungs
you were there
always watching me

wish away the guilt
that you were never meant to have
wash away the tears
that make them so mad

maybe it was to late for me
maybe i was too far gone

i bet this is what you tell yourself
when youre trying to fall asleep at night

dance under starlight
when no one is looking
feel the rain on your skin
breathe out the pain

shine
shine little light of mine
and tell the world 
what youve seen
visions of angels
sparkling lights
after your head hits the ground
before the world turns to night

dry your eyes
little one
youre all grown up now
its time you won

fables are told when the lights go out
about what happens behind closed doors

you were there
you knew what was happening
why didnt you stop it
why didnt you save me

flow river flow
with wishes and woes
tell us why the grown men cry

i want to die
because im dying inside
dont you see it in my eyes

k.g.

copyright 2015

destroy me
whisper all the lies
you want me to hear
in my ears
do your worst
ill only die
im not afraid
of death
so have fun
go ahead
thats all im good for
right
im broken anyway
right
isnt that what you said
im sorry
i must have misunderstood you
see you on the other side

k.g.

copyright 2015

i want to cry myself to sleep
but id rather be held
would you love me back
if i gave you everything i had
thats all ive ever wanted
to be loved back

k.g.

copyright 2015

take the breath out of my lungs
i dont want it anymore
give it to someone else
someone younger
i am old
my bones are brittle and breaking
my eyes are dry and blind
my voice is mute
they scratched out my throat
but i can still hear them
i hear them all cyring
save me
save me
they want to eat you alive
they want to suck the life out of you
the vampires love those who love them
they love them so much
they absorb their lives
im bleeding
only a few more drops left
i want to sleep
go home
i have no more love to give
you stole it from me
ill make you a deal
if you give me back my innocence
ill give you my love
but you wont
youll just bleed me dry
no more smiles for you
let the world burn
let it all burn

k.g.

copyright 2015

is there a light in this dark world we call home
am i actually all alone
with no one to hold onto
when im afraid
do i have to walk this path
by myself
with no one beside me
to have my back
or hold my hand
will everyone i love hurt me
will i become like them
over time
jaded
broken
shattered
selfish
hateful
hated
am i alone
am i really alone
am i really all alone
will you talk to me
amd tell me why
you could never bring yourself to love me
will you take my hand
and explain to me
why after 18 years
we still dont know each other
will you kiss my lips
and make me understand
why you dont care about me
not one bit
not one little bit
i have loved you so much that i let you hurt me for years
because i was afraid to tell you that you hurt me
because knowing you hurt me might make you feel bad
i have loved you for my whole life
if i was not good enough as a small child
how could i ever be good enough for you now
you never loved me
you loved your daughter
but not me
you never liked me either
if you had
you wouldnt have asked me to be the opposite of who i was
i loved you
and now i am afraid
to tell you i spent time with my friends
cuz you look at me like im a whore
and ask me what i did
no mom
im still a virgin
do you want to judge me that badly
do you want me to be a bad influence
so you can ask me to move out
do you want to hate me
i kept the letter you wrote to me for my birthday
because thats the only time ive ever felt like you loved me
without condition
ive always been afraid
that if i did one thing
one single thing that you thought was wrong
that you would never look at me again
dad
where are you
why dont we know each other
why do i have to guess what youll do when youre mad
why dont i know
why wouldnt you read to me daddy
why did you make fun of me daddy
if i died my hair green
would you avoid me in public like you said
daddy what if i go get pregnant
i bet youd be sick of me then
maybe ill go have sex
and then come back to tell you im a whore
will you still love me then daddy
mommy
will you hate me then
this is my cry for help
if the is a god
come and find me here
im dying in the world you created
why do they hate me daddy
all i wanted to do was love them
fuck you
fuck you all
all i wanted to do was love you
but im not strong enough
i cant breathe
i forgot how to breathe
is anyone out there
does anyone hear me
am i alone
am i really alone
im all alone
im alone
im alone

k.g.

copyright 2015

he doesnt love me
but i still love him
well
a peice of me does
i dont know how it survived the nuclear war within me
it was a long month
but no nuclear winter has followed
i was determined not to let that happen
but who am i to say im not bitter
as ignorant as i have been
let the rain fall on my face
i need to be refreshed
the humidity in my soul is forming gloomy eeyore clouds
the thickness of the air is suffocating
i need to breathe
let pureness fill my lungs
i want to inhale the breeze itself
you knocked the wind out of me
but i got back up
and my heart is sore
in this one spot
the spot that still holds onto you for some reason
a stubborn little speck
that replays memories of you
and words you said to me
over and over
and over
it tries to steal my sanity from my shivering hands
but i wont let it
i am
getting
back
up
i
will
get back up
i will
i will

k.g.

copyright 2015

whisperes in the night cloud my mind
with anxious thoughts and memories
of moments i lost my senses
no one said these would be the consiquences

everything was fine till you came back
and visited me while i slept
dancing in the corner of my dreams
hiding inbetween the scenes

there is never enough of this
you keep showing up when i feel old
im tired of trying to run away
i guess ill have to stay

here where my demons lie
and tell me things so easy to believe
here i am hiding between the seams
of reality and everything inside me screams

for all those things i never really had
is this enough to pass that testof endurance
i survived your sadistic trials
must i keep breathing through fake smiles

k.g.

copyright 2015

the careless things we say get us into trouble

the words that are not quite true

the words that are too real

falling from our lips before we have a chance to catch them

slipping through our child sized hands like time

i never thought id say that till a month after i spoke

funny how the words tasted premature

id never suprised myself till them

im afraid ill end up doing it again

the mistakes we make 

are the pills we never swallowed

please take these words out of my mouth

and save me from being hung out to dry

in a marinade of lies that you feed

to the victims of your pretty words

that the brightest mind would still almost believe

i never thought id have to swallow this

the choices that ive made backfired

and shot me in the gut like a broken gun

i dont know where to begin

ive never ended things 

i dont have the words

a sparrow fell and died that day

i thought i saw love in your eyes

the lies that i believed

so ill shake my head and walk away

swearing that ill never make the same mistake again

life was better before i knew there were wolves under my bed

thats what i used to tell myself

now i scare the wolves away 

with the words i write that are too real

about the words that arent quite true

cluttering up my heart

k.g.

copyright 2015

if you love me let me go
dont tie me down
dont pin me to the ground
dont hurt me
i would never do this to you
i only ever tried to love you
your breath stinks
i feel it on my face
dont touch me
its an easy place to find yourself in
pushing someone away
but dont you want to play
leave me alone
go away
its about feeding the stomach
instant gratification
but you forgot about the aftermath
what happens to the broken souls
that walk home in the dress they wore the night before
again
wondering if they will ever be loved
we dont say that word here
that word doesnt exist
we only lust
what is this soul of which you speak
where am i
we are only animals
what nightmare have i been abandoned in
with nothing but instincts
please wake me up
i dont belong here
in this terrifying place
i dont belong here
im not like them 
please wake me up
please dont leave me alone here
come on baby
just have a little fun for once
hello

k.g.

copyright 2015

love
leave me at the door
go find someone more
attainable
equipped
to be your other half
why do i sell myself short
i am lovable
i am wothy of love
dont feel bad dear
run away
find someone better
looser
someone who would love
appease
you better than i ever would
damn right
because i am worth more
than to be lusted after
to be tried on for size
and then thrown away 
its funny to me 
that people
treat other people
like condoms
its not personal

k.g.

copyright 2015

song of the dead

hello
goodbye
so you think you can fly
then fly away into the night
if you fly to close to the sun
youll drown
speak to me
and i wont hear
why share
when theres nothing there
i am nothing
i am the nothingness
you feel in your bones
im the reason
youre afraid when youre alone
you dont want to become like me
but how can a puppet
rebel against the puppet master
set me free from misery
i am consumed by destiny
nothing has ever taken hold of me
like these lies swimming around me
so its dark outside
why dont you try
to find your way
in the middle of the night
too hard
so sad
dont get mad at me
im just lying to see
how long it takes 
till your heart ruptures
silly heart
silly mind
trying to keep yourslef confined
you dont want to let the monsters in
let me in
ill come and play
maybe some other day
not long now till you wake
i think
she thinks
shes going to break
honey im home
this isnt real
let me in
its just a feeling
dont make me come find you
this is a nightmare
here i am
help me please

k.g.

copyright 2015

its time to wake up
wake up from your sleep
wake up
wont you please
youre scaring me
you begin like this
this is your start
not your birth
or the detected beating of your heart
there is a point on the ray
of your existance
where you are meant to wake up
to come alive
we are not born to simply survive
we are made and designed to function
like stars do in the night sky
shining
giving light to those who have not found there own
break
break
break
break down to the bone
open it up and show me the marrow
that creates your blood
show me your blood lines
show me your nervous system
reveal to me the electricity
running to and from your brain
open up the currents
and let me read the messages they are sending
explain to me your thought process
let my feel the texture of your emotions
let me see that part of you
that is awake and moving and seeing and feeling
after you fall asleep at night
put your dreams and nightmares in my hands
you are just one body
just one mind
just one heart
one soul
and you believe all this is an accident
or that none of this is real
touch my hand
touch my face
feel my heartbeat
feel my lungs heave
its hard for me
dont ask why
i struggle with wanting to die
to cease to exist
because i live in a world
where people think
that they are accidents
or that they dont actually exist
or they dont think at all
and just chase after pleasures
they self-gratify
at the expense of others
do you understand
do you know what its like
to feel a victim become a predator
something eternal within them dies
it feels like your soul it being molested
when you feel the corruption
of another soul
its overwhelming
when you combine that experiance 
with your own emotions 
senses
and feelings
sleep sounds nice
i would like to sleep
but
oh
im talking to you
thats right
im sorry
i got distracted
im adhd
and im tired
my bad
what was i saying
oh thats right
are you really going to sit here and tell me
that im an accident
or not real
or worthless
and say the same about yourself
my dear wake up
please darling
im afraid that im losing you
i feel the light of your soul dimming
dont walk towards the dark
please hear me
let the words i speak sink in
past the lies that have been
shoved down your throat
past the memories youve supressed
have some of the life that is in me
dont give up so easily
just keep breathing
we will come find you
and drag you out of whatever dark pit youve fallen into
just keep breathing
keep talking to me
dont give up
we will wake you up
wake up
please

k.g.

copyright 2015

i feel like a strong person. i can put on my game face, suck it up, and succeed. but so much of the time i just want to curl up in a ball in the corner of a room and cry my eyes out. ever since my ex and i broke up, theres this emptiness in my chest. it was there before i even knew him, but it had always been there and i knew nothing different. romantic relationships are different. you feel so much closer to a significant other than you do to people you have known for your entire life. is had less to do with the persons involved than it does with the dynamics of the relationship. a relationship like that touches your soul in a way no other relationship seems to; in a way that makes you feel not so very much alone. alone is a terrible thing to me. its like poison. i finally realized that the emptiness was there. and then i realized why. there are only two relationships that can make you feel completely unalone: a relationship with God, and a romantic relationship. not to say that once one or both of these relationships are achieved you will never feel alone again. thats impossible. but they provide moments of closeness that make you feel like youve finally come home. that feeling is the absolute most best thing i have stumbled upon in this life thus far. i miss it.

k.g.

copyright 2015

i have decided
i am a depressed person
that is just part of who i am
but that doesnt mean
that i wont live my life
if only for the hell of it at times
and that doesnt mean
i wont have fun
or love
because why not
why would i give up
the chance to experiance
being human
sure
its painful
and people are bastards
but that doesnt mean
all of them will hurt me
as bad as others
and besides
im sure i hurt people too
we are all the same
what makes us different from one another
is that some of us choose to love
and some of us choose to want

k.g.

copyright 2015

sometimes i feel like
there is something within me
trying to get out
and that thing is okay
with tearing me apart
if need be
id just sit there
a hole in my chest
i would become
nothingness
nothingness
it sounds so sweet
when you feel the emotions
build up in your mind
until you feel like a human gernade
i walk around trying to distract myself
from all that i feel inside
all the thoughts that torment my heart
its like being beatten by your own fists
betrayed by your own psyche
poisoned by your own blood
its like my emotions
my thoughts
attack me
i am under attack
wars rage within
and i dont even know why they are there
i dont understand
this aching sensation
like claws around my heart
slowly squeezing the life out of me
does anyone hear me
please help me
it hurts

k.g.

copyright 2015

sometimes i feel like
there is something within me
trying to get out
and that thing is okay
with tearing me apart
if need be
id just sit there
a hole in my chest
i would become
nothingness
nothingness
it sounds so sweet
when you feel the emotions
build up in your mind
until you feel like a human gernade
i walk around trying to distract myself
from all that i feel inside
all the thoughts that torment my heart
its like being beatten by your own fists
betrayed by your own psyche
poisoned by your own blood
its like my emotions
my thoughts
attack me
i am under attack
wars rage within
and i dont even know why they are there
i dont understand
this aching sensation
like claws around my heart
slowly squeezing the life out of me
does anyone hear me
please help me
it hurts

k.g.

copyright 2015

bend my bones until they break
you were the first to make my heart scream
hurt me and call it care
you care for nothing
why didnt you kill me while i was down
why did you kick me
coward
you should have finished me off
when you had the chance
but its too late now
thank you for creating
my personal hell

k.g.

copyright 2015

forget who you are

i wandered around at dusk. its what i did. i would just hit this point in the day where i would be so emotionally overwhelmed that i couldnt function anymore. wandering aimlessly around the old abandoned part of town was the only thing that felt right. i would always keep my head down and my fists clenched. like i said, its what i did.
even when i was little i would hit these point where all i could do was wander. i remember then that my throat would always get really tight i would hold my breath. i didnt do those things very much when i was older, but it felt like someone was squeezing my head. everyone has always thought i was crazy. maybe i am.

k.g.

copyright 2015

poetry from work

its in moments like these
that we see bits of truth
like crystals hanging from a chandelier
the moments when we forget
the shoulds and should nots
when we fly on the wings of ravens
against the tide
the flow of life
despite the rants
and ravings
of those
who are not
mad

k.g.

release me into the night
where i can find
my own
sunlight

k.g.

where did you go little one
did you get lost
looking for the sun
why did you/lock yourself away
instead of going out to play
dont waste the daylight little one
dont hide away from the sun

k.g.

copyright 2015

i thought i was safe and sound
in my nest of comfort
until you ruffled my feathers
and messed up my head
emotions that make you throw up change you
i will never forget that morning
i woke up dry heaving
because i was so nervous
that morning i thought i had discovered my true self
i was a failure
but you showed me different
you thought i would let you down
but i didnt
i was there for you after the end
im not a failure
i am determined
i am loyal
i am loving
and i am beautiful
just like they told me
thank you for failing me
because through your failure
you showed me that i was not the same
thank you for breaking me
because i never knew before then
that i could be unbroken
thank you for lying to me
for betraying me
because i didnt know i could be decieved
and now i know to trust my instincts
thank you for not leaving
i needed to know that i could end things
but most of all
thank you for showing me
that i was nothing like you
now i know
what to never let myself become
i hope you start to drown in your misery
maybe then youll finally wake up
its a shame you never saw me
for who i really was
i almost feel bad for you
but all you gave me was apathy
and thats the only thing i have to give back to you

k.g.

copyright 2015

wake up
wake up from this dream
you have fallen asleep
cant you see
that this isnt real
this so called life you lead
you arent actually doing anything
you arent really living
hiding in your room
discovering new things
that isnt personhood
that isnt life
so get up
get out there
into that great big world you live in
and do something
anything
just please wake up
youre scaring me

k.g.

copyright 2015

stay
stay
dont run away
into the night
stay and fight
the monstrosities that try to take your courage
the lies that take away your hope
of a future
the daylight rises on those who make it through the night
so stay
stay and fight
for what you believe in
what you want
what you long for
fight for the person you want to be
for the person you want to be to your love
to your children
fight
because you can deterine your destiny
you can be who you decide
you want to be

k.g.

copyright 2015

at the ending of every story
is the beginning of something new
that we are meaant
to hold on to
a lesson is to be learned
if you dont learn from your mistakes
you wont be prepared for the next challenge
some say this is all a game
if it isnt
it can be treated as one
life is a series of picking the right door
you get better with experiance
you get stronger with age
we are built to survive
if we use the tools
we have

k.g.

copyright 2015

there is hope even in the darkest place
that is what i keep telling myself
that is the hope i cling to
but sometimes i doubt
sometimes i dont know
what to think
sometimes
i think im sinking
down
down to where i used to be
this time last year
in that pit of despair
that made me suicidal four times
where did i go
where did i come from
who knows
i am like the wind
a spirit that wanders the earth
looking for souls to bless
trying not to curse
what is love that i have not found it
unless i wasnt searching for it
why do i only find it
by accident
and not on purpose
what is this
a tree that grows in winter
in snow laden death
in darkness
do i look for love only in the summer
do i not find it in the spring
by autumn i give into slumber
by winter i awake at the crisp air
filling my lungs
and i breathe in to find
that love is in the air
at christmas time
but then christmas passes
and while all the others move on
i am left behind
to admire the broken christmas lights

k.g.

copyright 2015

why do we find light in dark places
why do we see shadows in the light
why can we not have one without the other
wish things were black and white
everything would make so much more sense
and my head would hurt so much less

k.g.

copyright 2015

help me to see the light
in my own eyes
in my own hreat
cuz i feel so dark sometimes
like theres nothing good in me
but then again
as soon as i get around other people
i feel the complete opposite
about myself

k.g.

copyright 2015

why do i write so much
there are so many things i want to say out loud
why dont i just say them
why dont i tell people how i feel
is it wrong to just be real
with people
will it really hurt them
or make their lives
more difficult
if i told them whats going on
inside my head
inside my hreat
but how do i start
unfolding
how do i
open up
what does that even mean
i mean really
do people actually do that
or do they just fool themselves into thinking
they are being vulnerable
what am i doing
what am i thinking
of course im going to just keep writing
im not stupid enough
to actually express these emotions
and thoughts
to other people
am i

k.g.

copyright 2015

why
why cant you find me
ive been waiting here for so long
just waiting to be found by someone
anyone
im sick
im falling apart
and no one knows
no one remembers me
it was too long ago
i was locked away
they didnt want to face me
they thought i was a monster
they left me alone
i wasnt going to hurt them
but they didnt know that
they just didnt know
oh please come find me
this place is dark
and
oh whats the word
dank right
i think there is a gutter
above the grate in the ceiling
i hear cars drive over now in then
so that would make sense
its cold here
and dirty
i promise im not a monster
im just special
please come find me
i dont want to be here anymore
i want out
i want out

k.g.

copyright 2015

fate rearranges your mind
your spirit is confined
to a small space inside your head
you know they want you dead
but you keep running
safe from all harm
in this mindset of fear
you keep dangers near
to drown out the pain
turn left
turn right
i think its going to rain
what was that
hows the weather back home
oh its fine
a little hale now and then
why are you here
in this room
you should be out there
fighting
dying
no
you didnt come here to die
thats why they sent you
thats why they want you dead
youre not going to die
but it feels like dying
at least on the inside

k.g.

copyright 2015

anger pulses thru your veins
something inside wants to rearrange
his face
but you hold yourself back
someone asks you if youre mad
you dont respondyour mind is else where
you dont know where it went
it left you in this moment
two fists
and an enemy
what do you do

k.g.

copyright 2015

i think its time to get up and dance
ive been sitting for a long time
studying the life im supposed to live
but now i have the chance to get out there
and make mistakes
make memories
and i will make it thru
i have no doubt in my mind
ive always known how to make things happen
it was just a matter of time
before i spread my wings
and tried to fly
ive been gaining strength
ive been offered wisdom
and now its my time
to try

k.g.

copyright 2015

time and time again
i come back to this place
where i have always been
wasting time away
trying to keep it in my hands
afraid that if i use it
it will slip more swiftly thru these fingers
but no more
i have been given one life to live
and hell
im going to live it
maybe it will pass more quickly
maybe it wont
but i will have stories to tell
when i get to
the other side

k.g.

copyright 2015

dont forget the times we shared that were good
dont forget the lies we told were out of love
dont forget wed stay up late
to make sure each other was okay
dont forget
what you forgot
long ago
what was that
we never cared
we were only bored
thats too bad
we believed in nothing
its a shame
you cant remember
my name

k.g.

copyright 2015

it was a dark, stormy night when i first saw her. she was standing at the edge of the cliff half a mile from our house. wind was whipping her white robes and her long dark hair swarmed around her face. her body was turned toward the precipice and she was looking back at me. her eyes were... tired; the same as that look mom had whenever dad would storm out of the house at night. she looked at me with those tired, sad eyes... and the she jumped. i never saw her again. not once; until yesterday. i saw her in the door way of the old shack.

it was a quiet, overcast day when i woke up. the pleasant thought of not having to go into work that day put a sleepy smile on my face. dan hadnt been home in over three years and mom had been in the assisted living for seven months, so our old cabin was pretty quiet. i had turned it into my own little nest with my tea collection, my books, and scented candles. it had been a cold winter, and snow laden evergreens were a favorite of mine. i was in such a good mood that morning that i just had to get out and do something. so i decided to walk the trail.

the trail is the path where dan and i spent most of our time playing as children. it was also the place i spotted the lady in white that one night years ago.

our back porch is the beginning of the trail. then it winds down into the thick forest that surrounds our property. once youre about twenty minutes away from the house you come to an old shack. dan and i decided a long time ago that it was haunted and that we would never go in there. actually, that was all his idea. i always felt the urge to look inside everytime we walked by; as if there was something in there that was meant to be seen.

anyway, i suited up in my warmest clothes and headed out. when i came to the shack i was again tempted to go take a look inside, but i have a great love and respect for my brother. i promised him i would never go in there, so i didnt. i kept walking. but as i was just about to round the curve in the path to where the shack would finally be out of sight, i stopped and looked back. thats when i saw her. she was again wearing the same white robes and had the same tired, sad look in her eyes. for a moment we locked gazes, and then she turned and walked into the shack.

i tried to keep walking; i really did! but i had to know who she was and why i kept seeing her. i went into the shack.

-and what did you see?

i saw a mirror, but instead of my reflection... i saw the woman in white.

-what did you do when you saw her?

i threw this hammer at the mirror and broke it.

-does she know that she looks just like the woman she described? what did you do after you smashed the mirror.

the next thing i remember is waking up in the snow and you trying to pick me up. thank you for helping me by the way. i dont know why i passed out.

-i was thinking hypothermia.

why do you say that? im dressed warmly enough.

-maybe for a nice spring day in florida! who goes out for a walk in the snow in a flimsy dress anyway?

what are you talking about? i wore my winter colthes. i already told you that.

well lady, youre not anymore. dont you see that youre wearing a white dress.

k.g.

copyright 2015

our inner children run to those
we trust
to find a place to hide
when the monsters come out and play
their evil little games
but the arms of those we love
are like towers
in the night they are our lighthouses
shining brightly amist the stomy sea
they give us light
they give us love
they set us free
from the bondage
others have wrapped us in
but most importantly
they scare away the monsters
that we didnt even know were there

k.g.

copyright 2015

where are you going little wanderer
youve traversed so many paths
what are you looking for little seeker
your eyes are red from tears
i think i found your place little one
i think you over looked it
i think i found youre home little one
i think i might have found it
here amist what you thought was rubble
hidden away in the bed of ruins
you never thought youd find it
in the place you tried to escape
i never thought id find home
till i found it
never knew it was there
till i left it
never loved
till i felt it
it was here all along
silly little one
youve been looking for what youve had all along

k.g.

copyright 2015

there is hope in hopelessness
because if you have no hope
you likewise have the opportunity
to find it
those who have no love
also have the opportunity
to recieve it
an ending is only a chance
to begin again
to close one book
is to open another
o finish a chapter
is to start the next
and the beginning is the best part

k.g.

copyright 2015

sometimes you find the brightest lights

shining in the darkest places

k.g.

copyright 2015

we whisper to ourselves
we whisper to our gods
but does anyone hear
words spoken in the dark
most quiet their minds
but we let them talk
the poets of our age
may belong in a asylum
or maybe we arent
afraid to touch
the untouchable
the inner soul of man
that is both sacred
and corrupt
but how will we ever know
what lies behind
the motives of the mind
that speaks to itself
if we do not let ourselves
go

k.g.

copyright 2015

all the things ive written
are all the things i have yet to see
play out
in reality
i feel like its all in my head
sometimes
like im going to wake up
and realize ive been living
a lie
am i dying inside
do i know who i am
really
have i simply chosen to live the life
that is before me
who am i becoming in this place
where i hide my intensity
from the outside
have i locked myself
in a room made of mirrors
where i can see out
but no one can see in

k.g.

copyright 2015

it is finished 

i am done

i have fought

exhaustion has won

my hands have released

i have let go 

of the tings

that hurt me

dont you know how dangerous that was

i was so close to apathy

you almost drove an empath

to a state of apathy

you did to me

what they did to you

youre just like them

dont you see

cruelty

k.g.

copyright 2015

why have you tried to find me
after i ran away
from you
i gave you love
and you hurt me
you screamed
you raved
you threatened to end your life
you
gave
up
and i ran
because you were sucking the life out of me
i needed to be free
of the death that had latched on to me
dont judge me for being weak
i was not born with the strength of armies
i tried to love him
i tried
but the love in me
almost died
i didnt want to die
i didnt want to be like him

k.g.

copyright 2015

i have found a place to hide
safe from all fears
safe from all lies
you cant touch me
im too high
no one can reach me
i will fly away
to where no man has been
i will run away
into the darkness within
and i will be my own light in the dark
no hand to hold
no hand to hurt
no hand to break my back
no hand to leave me burnt
only my own two hands
that once were meant to heal
until you tried to cut them off

k.g.

copyright 2015

do you see me when i run away in fear
do you even know that i am here
in this darkened place that you left
you turned the light out and locked the door
im still here
you forgot me
you left me
with only my own voice
to comfort me

k.g.

copyright 2015

these are not for you
they are against you
dont you dare think that i will try
to coddle you
keep you safe
from all harm
till death
in this place of wrath and tears
i have left you
for you left me
in the dust
this is not for you

k.g.

copyright 2015

do you understand 

the weight i hold in my hands

the mark upon my heart

i thought i was the only one

i thought no one would ever

hold the same weight

and bear the same mark

i never thought

there would be another

k.g.

copyright 2015

pretty pretty

how to be pretty

white straight teeth

long silky hair

curvy

fit

perfect skin

big eyes

smells nice

tight clothes

not too cheap

smile but not too much

why do you laugh so loud

hair products are on sale

we have a product to cover that up

put a little color on that face

cut those shorts a little shorted

grow out your hair

dont paint your nails black

why dont you wear heels

shave 

style

waste your time

dont eat that

run another mile

smile for me honey

oh not like that

why don't you wear red

or lipstick

or push up bras

unbuttoned two more buttons

shut up

shut up

im done

i dont want this

k.g.

Copyright 2015

you have offered me a light
that does not burn my eyes
and i have made a place for it in my heart
by throwing everything else out
the window
now i have all the room
i could possibly have to offer
make me your home
make my life
your own
let this be a gift to you
and to me
faithfully
gracefully
i die
and we come alive

k.g.

copyright 2015

it shines too brightly in my eyes
this knowledge i have recieved
im not sure i was meant to know this
im not sure i can handle
this piece of the world
i have chosen to take part in
my hands are not strong enough
to hold such a painful thought
my heart is not brave enough
to keep this knowledge
tucked away for another time
i want to feel this knowledge
i want to forget
but how can one unknow
what has been known

k.g.

copyright 2015

God, save my heart from breaking
help my mind
its aching
from the blows i have recieved
the emotions i have concieved
within the walls
of my fortress
they have invaded my castle
they have infultrated my peace
my heart is contaminated
the disease is spreding
i cannot breathe
i am breaking
God
i am breaking

k.g.

copyright 2015

i am almost empty
with just enough energy left
to sleep
keep me away
from the walls
for i will beat upon them
till they come down
you dont have to climb
what youve laid low
go

k.g.

copyright 2015

written on my heart
are the secrets i wanted
to share with you
but you ran away
like a little boy
worse than georgie
you kissed the girls and made them cry
and then you ran
to the home you pretend to have
but home is where the heart is
and you keep your heart
locked up
in some dungon
written on my arms
are the silent screams
that plague my mind at night
when everything is quiet
and youre not with me
written on my hands
are all the things
i have not done
because im a nice person
and hurting you
would never
heal me
break
break
break
all i do is break
every moment
every day
break
break
break
when will i stop breaking
when will your words
stop throbing in my head
when will this agony be laid to rest
with the rest of the things
i never wanted
but was forced to hold
no one told me
i wasnt told
what would really be demanded of me
not my body
but my sanity
welcome home honey
its this pit where you belong
not me
i dont belong here
i was a good girl
i was kind
why am i here
hello

k.g.

copyright 2015

love to leave me behind
no man left
but a woman doesnt count
touch your hand to my forhead
and feel the fever
rising against you
i
will
not
back
down
you think youve trapped me
but its you whos stuck
welcome to my game
im quite the risk to take
arent i

k.g.

copyright 2015

shatter me
skatter me
break me
beat me
i will rise
to endure another beating
you wont get rid of me
that easily
though my body is weak
my mind is strong
and my spirit unbreakable
you may kill this heart
you may destroy this vessel
but you will never touch
my soul

k.g.

copyright 2015

broken bones
lead you home
to the place
you never belonged
casts and splints
rended and bent
litter the memory
of this
call backs are bastards
giving you hope
breathing death
into your soul
just let go
no one will know
what you did
when no one was looking

k.g.

copyright 2015

light a candle for all to see
and let it be the blessed testimony
of blood thats been shed
and tears that have fallen
for the innocent
for the unworthy
for me
even me

k.g.

copyright 2015

help me find my way back home
im lost and alone
all my love is gone
ive sunk down into the deep
God knows where
i cant find the light from down here
but i hear your voice coming from above
your voice sounds like love
love is an ocean
and i am easily lost in its waves
so if you are not light
if your voice is not love
please leave
im not interested in temporary gifts
i have a light of my own in my heart
and it is enough for me in the dark

k.g.

copyright 2015

wonderfully we fall into your arms
there is no pain in the inpact
you break our fall

k.g.

copyright 2015

love is like a beautiful flower blooming in asphalt

k.g.

copyright 2015

do you ever wonder
what life would have been like
had we all loved honestly

k.g.

copyright 2015

forget that I exist
forget that you dont love me
and leave me as a memory
that warms your heart from time to time
while i sit out in the freezing rain
remembering you

i dont know if the pain has left
or if my heart is so exausted
it fell asleep

k.g.

copyright 2015

can you make a circle a square

can you see something that isnt there

can you feel something that cant be felt

can you hear something that doesnt speak

can you know something that cant be known

can you belong to a place that isnt home

can you reach without arms

can you run without legs

can you sing without a voice

can you grasp without hands

can you not believe in anything

can you not have faith in anything

k.g.

copyright 2015

why must you try to define me
and rid me of my individuality
why must you try to take
that which is precious to me
i only ever tried to give you beauty
i only ever tried to give you love
in return you have tried to break my bones
and steal my home
but why
do you want to be hated
do you want to be feared
there is no power over the dead
there is only nothing
you will become nothing
why do you even try

k.g.

copyright 2015

i am so happy i found this secret place
where i can whisper the secrets of my heart to you
you have always listened to my cries for mercy
you have always loved my broken heart
you have always gather my shattered pieces
into your hands
like precious gems
and beheld them
cherished them
valued me
unlike any father known to mankind
you have written lines of love upon my hands
upon my heart
you have given me a place
a new start
where i can run free
of all that has smothered me
you have been a beauty to me
in the quiet place
you have given me peace
in the midst of death
you breathe light into my lungs
and we have only just begun
we have just begun

k.g.

copyright 2015

tear down my veil
let my spirit inhale
the truth for what it is
i want to be free
let the air rush under my wings
and i will take flight
into a stary night
i will sing my songs form the heaves
and whispers will be heard across the nations
of the hope that i have found
in what was not created
but created this heart to sing
till the very last beat
of its terribly beatiful song

k.g.

copyright 2015

break me down to my inner most being

until there is nothing left

but what is purity

then put me to the mirror

i need to see the light in my own eyes

i have grown tired here

from the agonies of rage

i care too much about others

i want to stop caring

but i want to love

teach this mind 

not to judge that which it doesnt know

teach these hand to let go

teach this heart not to be desparate

teach these eyes to see light

and to give love

k.g.

copyright 2015

fight for me in the dark
when the nightmares have made a playground of my mind
send me dreams that are sweet
a cool breeze in the heat
of summer
i am withering here
within the drought of my heart
i am starved here
of the comfort i once knew
bring back to my mind
the peace i felt
when i was held
by arms stronger than mine
take me from this place
this time
where i am nothing
and make me something
make me oxygen to the sufficating
light to the blind
strength to the weary bones
dont let me stay confined
in my prison cell
that i built out of wounded rhymes
and promises that were broken
out of hurtful words sopken
give life to my heart
it was bled dry
by hands that seek their own gratification
do not abandon me to the wolves
that steal my sleep
save me from my own bed of depravation
for i am growing sick here

k.g.

copyright 2015

without a word
i will slip away
unheard
unseen
into the past things
that you dont acknowledge
wrap me up
and put me away
at the back
of the top shelf
let me collect dust
until your bones rust
and abandon my memory
when you die
i will still be alive
scorned
forgotten
unwanted
singing broken songs
we used to sing together

k.g.

copyright 2015

its a mistery to me
how you did not see
my writing on the wall
or anything at all
that had to do with me
how loud do my cries have to be
before you hear me
how small do i have to make myself
so that you forget me
please forget
please forget
dont look back

k.g.

copyright 2015

you lied so sweetly
when i fell down
you sang me lullabies
you talked me to sleep
i was your princess
until a castle caught
your eye
then i distracted you from
the glory you might have
im sorry i imposed on your life
its not like you welcomed me or anything
im so glad i could entertain you
i must be special
considering your heartless
attention span

k.g.

copyright 2015

i want you to hate me
i want you to hurt
i want you to feel something because of me
ive never felt so worthless
and ive never felt so angry
i
am
priceless
how dare you treat me
like the dirt under your feet
after i gave you love
how dare you scorn
the precious gift of my affections
how dare you throw my heart out like trash
you are dead to me
if only
for your grave rests heavy
in my heart
we will never be at peace
till heaven

k.g.

copyright 2015