11.12.15

Maybe i ask too much

will you not come find me?
im alone here in a dark place
and the black is surrounding me.
i can fight an enemy,
but how to i defeat smoke?
what weapons do i have 
that can compete with air?
am i helpless against this mess
of confusion i feel around me?
have i lost my mind somewhere in my wonders
so that now i have lost control
of my train of thought?
has a curse been placed upon me
that i must think i fragments of sentences
and not complete my ponderings,
but leave them hanging 
from the cieling of my mind
like broken chandeliers?
what must one do to achieve clarity
in this world of darknss?
how bright must my light be 
to see the ground in front of me?
where will i go when the dust settles;
when the stars cease their shining for the night?
i often find myself in these midnight hours
between myself and strife.
happiness has become my soul
and yet i feel broken
not whole.
what must i do that fills my heart
so that i might not feel like
separate pieces
all fitted together.
i feel lighter than a feather
but heavier than led.
the moonlight is cold and i want to crawl
into bed,
but i feel that i must fight tonight
for the sake of preserving 
tomorrows daylight.
but who am i too think im special;
knowing more than my share?
who am i to keep on going;
to assume someone will be there
to catch me when i fall
when i dont deserve it at all?
who am i to be given faith
when the faithful suffer more?
and who am i to be given love
when ive locked so many doors
after slamming them in so many faces?
but maybe even the least of these
is given a glimpse of the forthoughts
of our father.
maybe even the smallest child 
is lifted onto his shouders
and shown a sliver of the world
for what it really is.
maybe im privaleged enought to be the smallest.

k.g.

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